If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say by Leila Sales

Author:Leila Sales
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux (BYR)

17

It’s funny how quickly cliques form in this world. Even at Revibe, where there were only seven of us and we were all screwed up, still some people immediately gravitated toward one another, effectively leaving the rest of us on the outside. I realized this after our meeting. Kevin and Valerie encouraged us to go to bed, saying we had an early and busy day ahead of us tomorrow. Richard, Marco, and Abe all followed their suggestion and headed off to their respective rooms. I went out to the porch to read in the fresh air for a bit, but I found that Kisha, Jazmyn, and Zeke were already out there, huddled in a tight circle that left no room for anyone else to join. Presumably none of them had any preconceived notions about who I was or where I belonged, and I could have marched in there and made myself at home. But also presumably, if they’d wanted my company, they would have invited me to join them in the first place. So I went back inside and to my room, like Valerie and Kevin had said we should.

I did not fall asleep. At this point, I hardly knew how. I pulled out my phone, tried to google myself, and felt a cold sweat seep across my body when, of course, it did not work. I told myself that probably no one had posted anything new about me over the past couple of hours. It was possible, yes. They would have had no good reason to do so, although they didn’t need a good reason to do so. But, I reminded myself, it was not probable. And if anything had been posted about me in the past couple hours—if my life had once again been destroyed—well, it would still be there the next time I was able to look, right? If I saw it the instant that it happened, would I really be able to do anything about it? Would that really give me a leg up on stopping it from getting out of control? Okay, yes, maybe, but again, it wasn’t likely that anything was happening online right now or that I could do anything about it even if it was.

None of this was making me feel better.

I tried to read a book but couldn’t focus, tried to write anything but of course drew a blank, tried to watch something on my computer before remembering that that, too, required the internet. There was no way I could do this for the next five weeks. I was going to go crazy.

Once I felt confident that Kisha, Jazmyn, and Zeke would have at last gone to bed themselves, or at least moved indoors, I headed back out to the porch. I was too restless, and this house was too claustrophobic. It was right on the beach, but when you were inside you couldn’t hear the surf at all. Every window and door was sealed up tight. All I could hear was the air conditioner.

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